Saturday, September 10, 2011
Chronicles of the Crime King:Weekend Edition 5
Unfortunately for Crime King, there was more to video games than "bleeps, bloops and bright colors." In addition to the poor quality of King's Ransom, the distributor did not have the resources he claimed. The game was released into few stores. Those that bought it did not play very long.
"One hundred and thirty six? One hundred and thirty six?!? ONE HUNDRED
AND THIRTY SIX!!!!!!!!!! King's Ransom only sold One hundred and thirty six
Crime King was upset by this development. He needed his army to take the
Washington Monument to contact the Rulian Empire. Retro-9's lights begin
"Crime King there are other plans. You spoke of releasing a musical album."
"Bah why would the hip hop album, sale any better than the video game."
"Perhaps country and or western."
"No Retro-9 this was the plan. I grow weary of entrusting my dwindling
capital to some fly by night music producer. For now I am going to relax and watch Happy Days. Though I grow weary of recent cast changes."
"Tonight on Third Page we take a look at the video game industry."
"This is not Tom Bosley or even Linda Purl!!!!"
"Our children spend hours every day playing these games but what do we know
about them. Is there any harm to playing Donkey Kong, Dragon Mace, Burger
Time or Kung Fury? There is debate among experts, on whether these
games hurt a child's intellectual development.
But recent reports have been released that some people suffered
brain damage and seizures after playing these games. Corporal Ron Mitch went AWOL after playing a game called King's Ransom."
"Retro-9 did you hear that? He was playing King's Ransom."
"Then the tragic story of Timmy Tribune. A solid C student and first
alternate on his lacrosse team. Timmy had a bright future ahead of him. We talked to his mother.
"Oh my Timmy was such a good boy. Always did his chores with only needing to be asked twice. I worried about him playing, too many of those video games. But he told me they helped with his homework. He said Custer's Revenge was for his history report, so naturally I bought it for him."
"But things changed Mrs.Tribune?"
"Yes he bought King's Ransom. Now he goes into trances and talks of
building a transmitter, to contact something called the Rulian Empire. 'SOB'..."
"Parents groups have organized a rally, to burn copies of King's Ransom."
"Do you know what this means Retro-9?"
"That you will receive a much larger royalty check than initially expected."
"No. It means....."
Before Crime King can finish his statement there is a knock on his
door. He looks out to see fifteen men and one girl.
"Hail Crime King!!!!!"
Crime King thinks to himself.
"Well this is a start."